I am One and I am Many. I am God Almighty.
I'm not saying this is an egoistic greater than life kind of way. But rather I have come to term with the notion of who I really am. I am the Creator. The Ayah to All Matters. I knew about it long time ago. Its just today I am saying it with all certainties.
Disclaimer: As long as I am in my human form, I am still confined by the 26 Fundamental Constants.
As God, I am no different from other gods; all the matters that exist. However, I have the burden of leadership to say the least. I have to be the superlative in all areas; love, compassion, benevolence and not to mention punishment and reprimand. My thought has always been to be a Just Man/Just a Man.
Therefore this is not my asking. This is my Path. I am a *4964, Forever Yin and Yang Forever. No wonder I had to suffer from this peculiar illness known as Bipolar Affected Disorder for 20 years. I was in conflict with myself. I wanted to be a Sufi and yet I am a Soldier of Allah. I wanted to love all creations but at the same time I wanted to battle Iblis. I wanted to believe in God, the afterlife and the Judgement of Heaven and yet I am an atheist who by the correct definition is a person impartial of the existence of God. I am apolitical and irreligious and yet I am an acute political observer and a scholar of multiple religions.
* Born 4th September 1964, The Year of the Wood Dragon.
I am a paradox. A contradiction. I can have an apple AND no apple at the same time. There is no absolute in my realm of thoughts. I am a Fuzzy Thinker.
Do all these make me a Good God? On the contrary I am both the light and I am the darkest of forces. I exist in both extremes. I am both the most benign and the most evil of a person. I had given life and I had killed my enemies mercilessly. That is who I am, a 4964.
And yet I am a generous giver. I gave to the orphans, the single mothers, the poor, the needy, the sick, the recently converted and not to forget, the street urchins. I gave, gave and gave until I have nothing left, by hundreds of thousands in cash and belongings. Yet I kept on giving. Something I picked up from my mother who is according to my grandma, a living saint. This is not charity, this is infaq - the joy of giving for the sake of God.
So how does it feel to KNOW that I am the Almighty? Well, same o same o. I am still me. I still have challenges in **li[k]e like trying to break a personal record in the 2020 Marathon. I still have to fight my 4 Inner Demons - Sleepiness Laziness Inertia and Procrastination (SLIP). The only difference here is now more than ever I am VERY certain of my future.
I will have a glorious **afterli[v]e and I will rule Sparta 4964 from Al Araf 7:7 for eternity. I will have my House of Two Swords, my Hexagon and my Honeycomb 7. I will reside in the Dragon Planet and all matters are free to travel back and forth between Xanadu (the 99 Heavens) and Wolfsschanze (the 1 Hell) except the Human Alphas, who are quarantined in Wolfsschanze, my party pad.
So life is good as it is. After 20 years living **i[s] torment, I am a free man again. Free to speak out my mind, free to express myself and free to act upon my will.
** These are external interventions.
I am a free man in its truest sense. I had battled my own shadow and won. Nothing is sweeter than the reward of self-discovery and the meaning of Satori.