I finally solved the 21 years conundrum of my illness.
Instead of looking at this illness as a defect, I should consider myself as exceptional.
We need to separate 2 things. First, there are issues with regard to dopamine fluctuation. That is the illness. That part required medication in the past.
The other part is the personality issue. That is part of being the INFJ person https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality. That doesn't require fixing. That is just me being me.
This is how I separate myself from the illness. Before this, I jumbled together my personality and the issue I had with balancing the neurotransmitters. Of course, that is a recipe for disaster.
There is nothing wrong with my personality. I am just being eccentric.
There is nothing wrong with me believing that I am God either. All these are backed by models and mathematical proofs. Even Dr. Wayne Dyer asserted that we are gods. Dr. Stephen Covey stated that we are not human beings experiencing spiritual experience but spiritual beings experiencing human experience. Shunryu Suzuki believed we all have the potential to be the Buddha. Even Sufi Masters attest to this notion:
I have to stop thinking that I am crazy. I am not crazy. I just have a different reality than the majority. That's because I am an INFJ, the rarest personality in the world.
The INFJ is thought to be the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type, making up only 1-3 percent of the population. “INFJ” is an initialism that stands for Introversion (I), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), and Judgment (J), which describes the INFJ's core characteristics.
That is why in the past, I had cognitive dissonance toggling between accepting myself as who I am and me as a person whom I thought society should accept.
If I embrace my eccentricity, then there is no more issue regarding the illness. I had solved the issue of dopamine fluctuation last year by regulating my lifestyle and food intake. As for my personality, that doesn't need fixing.
The same with the notion that I am God. That is my hypothesis and I should defend it:
We are One and we are Many. We are within God and God is within us. Much like peeling an onion. In every layer there is God. All matters are intelligent and all matters are gods.
After all, I am not operating in a vacuum. Everything is based on observation and evidence. They are based on the Scientific Method complete with models, calculations, and proofs.
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